There, I said it.
I hate summer. I loathe summer and I have since I was old enough to know there were seasons to hate. There’s a world of difference, though, between New Mexico’s desert-dry heat, where little girls can go outside barefoot and run on the driveway so their feet won’t get burned to Chicago’s hateful humid death bowl where it’s just as hot as New Mexico but ten bajillion times more humid.
Stolen shamelessly from someone on Facebook.
It is possible I’m a wee bit cranky.
Or maybe it’s just that when I tell people I hate summer they look at me like I killed a puppy and start ranting about the winter. Look, I love winter! Sometimes it snows so much that leaving your house isn’t even allowed, so when I don’t go anywhere it’s socially acceptable! Not like summer, where if you stay inside people think you’re a weirdo, even if you’re not going outside because that’s where the bugs are.
Also maybe because I have been on Twitter hiatus (Woe!) for like eight weeks or something, I don’t know anymore, maybe I should be keeping a captain’s log. “Day two hundred and four. No one to laugh at my bon mot about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorcing. Am I even human anymore if there’s no one around to think I’m funny?”
So I’m trying to find ways to make summer a little better and not mourn the fact that I probably won’t be able to roast a chicken until October.
First, let’s talk about food. Glorious summer vegetables! And this year I got clever and joined a CSA that DELIVERS. To my HOUSE. On Tuesday nights I get a cheery little text message and go on to the porch and there is a giant box of vegetables there, all for me! And they also sell pastured eggs! We have finally passed Greens Season (what am I supposed to do with eighteen servings of chard, I don’t know, but we have been Making the Best of It) and are headed right into Zucchini Town, which might just be the best part of summer for me.
I could eat zucchini every day of my life and never get tired of it. Last weekend I went on a leetle bit of a zucchini bender and made these zucchini fritters multiple times. WORTH IT. I made the recipe gluten free by substituting a scant 1/4 cup of almond flour for the AP flour. I like how the recipe author suggests you have the oven on 200 to let the fritters stay warm. Yeah, those fritters aren’t going into the oven before they fall into my face. I tripled the recipe the second time around, cut the eggs to two and used about 2/3 of a cup of almond flour. Still amazing. If you don’t have a food processor, I don’t know that I’d suggest you make them. I think I’d grate my knuckles and cry, but you are probably braver than I am. Make sure not to skip the salting and squeezing out the water step, because that makes a huge difference and also it’s funny to watch P go all stress ball on a wad of cheesecloth. Probably you are a nicer spouse than I am, too.
So, yes. Summer food, as long as I don’t have to stay in the kitchen where the heat machine lives. I have the slow cooker going today, which smells amazing. I found out recently that you can make caramelized onions in the crockpot if you have like twelve or more hours. Don’t listen to that recipe, though — use real butter (not margarine! What is this, 1958?) and you don’t have to melt it. They freeze well and just need a little finishing in a pan when using them. Om nom.
Summer is also a lovely time to mainline TV shows. We recently watched The Wire in a few big gulps and mostly I’m just mad at myself for never watching it before. It was amazing, as amazing of a television show that has ever been made. I love Doctor Who for many fannish reasons, but I love The Wire because it was, more than anything, beautifully crafted. That first season is perfect. The whole show is a Greek tragedy in America and if you haven’t watched it you really should. If for no other reason than that this video will be ten times funnier if you know what they’re going on about:
Finally, this summer is about this little monster:
It’s a little disappointing because you can’t see her gigantic bushy feather duster of a tail, but apparently she doesn’t like to “stand still” for “photo ops.” I’m not used to having a kitty who’s only two years old. The elder generation of cats in my house are more into sleeping all day and getting insulin shots and eating the Early Bird Special. But not her. We had to get a laser pointer to tire her out before she tires us out.
Her name is River Song, and if you’re caught up on your Doctor Who you can probably guess what her name was in the shelter. If not, well. Spoilers, sweetie.
The cardinal rule of cats is that they all get a nickname that’s probably completely unrelated to their real names. I don’t know how to spell it, but this is what we call her:
(If you have a little time, go through the videos from PronunciationManual. They make me scream with laughter, but I’m also a nerd, so…)
If you’re here from Twitter, I’m not back! I’m sorry! This summer is for writing, buckling down, and until I hit a goal — a big goal, a tattoo-getting goal! — I can’t return. Alas.
Back to the word mines, darlings. It’s either that or watch the birds outside my window. I saw an oriole back there, I think. So maybe summer’s good for more than I thought.
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